Fear is a huge issue for all of us, and it comes in many levels, phases, and so on. It goes from fear of loss, fear of pain, fear of animals, insects, reptiles, and just plain fear, which, frankly, sucks. Sorry for my language. My fears were losing my life to gang violence or fear of getting caught selling drugs, with so much time served to do a life sentence in prison. Fear of losing someone I cared deeply for in death. Fear was a constant daily struggle in my life, but fear can freeze you to the point that you’re stuck, frozen. Fear can also cause you to react, whether it be in action to protect yourself, shaking, crying, etc. Fear kept me going, but I hated fear. I hated being scared, but hey, when I was getting shot at, I was scared. Honestly, I was so scared I felt like I was already dying inside.

It was this same fear that caused me to shoot back every time I saw an enemy. I was scared, so scared I knew I had to shoot first. If I didn’t, then I was going to die, and I was afraid of dying every time I saw a police officer. I ran, even if I was innocent, a sort of guilt like “Oh shit, I got to go. I’ve been thugging, so I ain’t trying to get locked up FAM! Real talk! OK, do you see?These are just examples, but it’s this same fear that you must conquer. This fear can cause destruction to you, to your life, to so many things. Embrace it, embrace fear, and just don’t let go, so that you can conquer it. I’m not saying you will be fearless. You’re human, not a robot. Everyone gets scared. Have you ever met someone who has not been scared before? If so, they’re lying. Everyone, and I mean every single human, has experienced fear, but this alone has to be conquered, embraced, and beaten.

So, when you are scared, you can move on, react, think, and make a better choice so that fear does not conquer you into submission. Believe me when I say this: it’s hard. You think as a gangster I was simply fearless? No. I got shot at, and I hit the ground out of fear. And in the process of committing a robbery, I froze. I actually froze up, but it was my friend’s life that caused me to react because, for one, the vehicle was rocking back and forth on a bank like a seesaw, and my homie was wrestling with the guy over his gun. Bullets fell out, and me? I’m stuck frozen. ButI told myself I have to save my homie, so I got out of the vehicle and opened the door and pulled him out by his coat tail. This fear did this, but I had to react. If not, I’d be sitting in a jail cell next to my homie, so I saved him and myself, included. Fear, sigh! Does anybody dislike feeling scared? Well, this was a part of my life, saying silent prayers to God, asking him to let me live just one more day, to not let me die, FAM. I did, but I had to conquer it and just keep moving.