You know, out of all the things in prison, mice are really annoying and consistent. Not only this, but the freaking rodents are flexible as heck, believe me, I know, and they are smart little creatures too.
Let me tell you, I had a mouse living in my cell. Well, stupid me, I didn’t know that you had to blockade your door just to keep the mice out. So, I never blocked my door off.

Well, one day, it so happened that I woke up to take a piss. I heard some splashing noise in the toilet. I turned on the light, and there’s a mouse drowning in the toilet. Like, what the heck? So, I felt bad
for the little guy. I took it out and wrapped it up in a towel. It’s swollen, but I’m thinking from the water, so I leave it on the floor. The next day, it’s gone.

I get hungry for some reason, so I reach for my commissary bag to make something to eat, which I hang to keep it from the mice. Well, I start pulling out stuff, and almost everything has holes in it. Now I’m
pissed because I’ve got to throw all this stuff out. I’m not sure if it’s even healthy to eat something that a mouse has been eating. So, I throw a lot of stuff out.

Then I think, I’m like, “Motherfucker, this mouse crawled up my radio cord, which is plugged into an outlet and hangs down alongside the wall, gets to the outlet cord, and jumps on the commissary bag. It ate all it could. Then when it was done, it tried to jump out and landed in the toilet, and I saved this bitch-ass mouse. Yes, I’m pissed now.”

Later that night, I see its shadow in my cell, but it moves too fast and gets away. The next morning, I see it again, but it went to the side of the bunk. I trapped it in my cell. It took me 30 minutes to catch
the freaking mouse, well, trap it again in the side of my bunk.

So now, I go back to the days when people made spears and such for food or protection. Well, I make my own spear with a tip tied to the end. It took me another 30 minutes to kill the mouse because it moved fast. I would try and stab it, then it would move. Fuck! So, I wait patiently, watch it, then take my shot. I wounded the mouse. I had to get it a couple more times for it to die.

But as I started to clean up, I found four baby mice still ain’t fully formed yet. I put them in a bag and threw them out. I had to clean my whole cell out—major clean up because the whole time, the freaking
mouse was living in my locker. It pissed and shit all over. Fuck! I threw books out, paperwork, man, a lot of stuff. I used a lot of bleach and cleaned until I felt it was all clean.

But I learned something—always block your door off in prison because these mice are everywhere and will learn. And if hungry, they will go out of their way to get something to eat. Another time in population, there was an officer in the day room 8 building. When the do-ins and outs, they let us out to watch TV, shower, or just hang out, whatever.

Anyway, this security officer screams out at the top of his lungs like a girl because he saw a mouse. But he jumped and swung so hard he knocked the mouse out cold, literally. Not only this, when we all saw what happened, everybody just yelled, “Yeah! Fuck yeah!” in union as one. It was so damn funny because the guy got so scared of a mouse; he screamed like a girl then knocked the freaking mouse out of sheer dumb luck. Like, if he tried to do that again, he wouldn’t be able.

Mice are really something. If you wake up and put your shower shoes on and you feel something soft and hairy, that’s a mouse. This happened to a guy I know. The guy got scared, jumped, and the mouse ran out. How about when you wake up in the morning, reach for your Johnny sack, which is a brown bag with two sandwiches, and a mouse gets you for the sandwiches, runs out. Except this time, the mouse didn’t make it out.

Another guy had a whole family in his cell. And when I say a whole family, I mean a whole squad. Honestly, no lie. So, a major shake-down is when a prison is locked down and searched for drugs or any type of contraband. I’m in solitary confinement, so when they come, they cell search each cell.

So, a guy named Super Dave is the dirtiest motherfucker I know. He’s dirty, like really dirty. He keeps dirt, sheets, trash, jumpsuits that are brown, man, all kinds of stuff. I know because one time he got cell
searched. Well, the security officers threw out a lot of nasty stuff. All his sheets were brown, jumpsuits yellow, trash with mold, dirty brown boxer shorts, and it fucking smelled bad, like really bad, dumpster
type of smell. I’m like, “How does he live like that? What the heck! Nasty motherfucker. He doesn’t even shower.”

Anyway, that was before, and he still lives the same way except this time he gets cell searched on a major shake-down. Well, when they go in his cell and start throwing stuff out, mice run out. I’m talking about by 20s or 30s. I mean, it looks like a lot of mice running out. The security officers were stepping on them, killing them. The drug dog, which they use to sniff for drugs, was catching them and killing them. It was a lot, trust me. This looked crazy to me, and the security officers were trying to kill them, but there were so many.

I don’t know how this guy did it or if he was breeding mice or what, but that was some crazy shit, honestly. Not only this but nasty too. Yeah, so I kill those pests anytime I get the chance. My friend asked me about mice. I told her if mice come into my cell, they won’t make it back out. Which, after they got me last time, no sir, never again. I just block m